Tuesday, November 17, 2015

Thoughts 17/11/15



I've been in such a retrospective mood lately and I'm really kind of enjoying it. I've been thinking a lot and usually when that happens it's not a very good thing in terms of my mental health but lately it's been more of an inquisitive thought pattern rather than a panic driven one. I've realised I've been fretting over the most trivial things and I have to learn to grow up and calm down. No one really cares how many likes your instagram picture got. No one really cares if you missed that one party (it wasn't as fun as the snapchats made it seem, trust me). No one really cares if you mess up an assignment at school. Life goes on. I think there's so many routines and expectations in school and work and life in general that we forget to look at the bigger picture. 

Truth be told I'm not 100% sure what the bigger picture exactly is, but at least I'm regaining my awareness of it's existence, which is a step in the right direction. I've been thinking about the people around me and the way I view them and the way others view them and make judgements. I think judgements are frightening to most people and for the most part have become taboo in this generation and yet there's no escape from them. We all make judgements, even I think (I hope) the nicest people in the world can't help but judge people, it's in our nature. I try not to be close minded about my judgements but as usual my more pensive moods coincide with my everyone-is-more-annoying-than-usual moods (you know what I'm talking about, right?) which means that I find myself more easily exasperated at immaturity or meaningless conversations rather than being tolerant or understanding as I normally try to be. 

What I really want more than anything is to sit down with a stranger and have a deep conversation about the world, art, music, everything under the sun and beyond. Unfortunately this is not a movie and things like that do not happen. 

I've also been feeling a lot more creative lately. Speaking of I just remembered something, which I may as well talk about since I'm already here. I took my drawing/writing journal in my bag to school and one of my friends picked it up asking me what I was. I immediately snatched it back much to my friend's surprise and confusion. I don't know why but I suddenly felt embarrassed for my friend to see my work as the drawings and writings in there were rough, unrefined doodles. I'm not sure why I was so defensive about my work. I hope one day I will let that book lie out in front of everyone and feel no need to apologise for my worst or most sentimental moment. 

Coming back to the over whelming feeling of creativity. I really feel like making something; specifically I really feel like making a video but I need to film some stuff. I've just really been wanting to make something or write something, which I guess has resulted in this blog post. 
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